


No More Than a Ghost

by mac23



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Uenoyama holds him through it all, babeys r in college, but mostly for mufasa, first ep of given comes in a week, id die for every given character, mafu has nightmares, they have their own apartment now how cute is that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 13:12:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19476610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mac23/pseuds/mac23
Summary: Nightmares torment Mafuyu and without fail, Uenoyama is there to assuage the panic, even if it means picking up the same pieces every night.





	No More Than a Ghost

All that bullshit about eyes being the gateway to the soul seemed entirely two-dimensional to Uenoyama. Sure, Mafuyu’s almond eyes often displayed his emotions like a digital screen, clear and bright with an obvious initiative. It was hard not to balloon with affection each time those wide eyes fixated on an object worth his intrigue or when his raw passion for music amassed to a single, intense focus. There was no doubt that these moments sent chills throughout his body that reverberated in his bones and surged underneath the surface of his skin; however, he hated how the collective understanding of the human soul started and ended with the eyes.

There was so much expression packed in Mafuyu’s tiny body. It was in the way his ears perked up whenever Uenoyama stumbled upon an enthralling chord progression accidentally; it was in the way his shoulders shook suspiciously whenever he tried to hide his laughter; it was in the way his toes curled over every time hands wandered and mouths caressed unabashedly. But it was Mafuyu’s hands that held the power to dismantle him to his most basic pieces and build him back up again. 

There were no extraneous movements—each gesture had a purpose, Mafuyu’s meaningful disposition showing through in every motion. Uenoyama could watch his lover’s hands for an eternity and his affection for them would never deplete. They matched his lithe body and captivating temperament. It was electrifying to hold them in his own, and even more so to feel them on his skin. The pads of his fingers were always cool to the touch, a stark contrast to Uenoyama’s natural warmth. When he needed them most, they guided him down from the boiling point and when he wanted them most, they benumbed the insignificant. And when he least expected it, those hands would reach for him and submerge him in a raging ocean of despondency. 

“Mafuyu,” he said in a low, soothing tone, “breathe.”

In the stillness of the room, the curtains dared not ripple and the illumination of the waning crescent moon barely slipped by them. Atop the mattress lay the hastily vacated sheets, thrown aside by Uenoyama the very moment Mafuyu jolted awake, clawing at his throat in an attempt to set free silent screams. In his arms, Uenoyama held the trembling body of his lover. He himself struggled to breathe through the tight cage in which Mafuyu had enclosed him. Those hands of his latched on to the thin cloth that spanned Uenoyama’s back.

“Where are you, my love?”

He knew his boyfriend struggled with survivor’s guilt after his first love took his life. The anxiety and depression held Mafuyu in their clutch, never ceding their control over him. Being by his side and showering him in unconditional love was all Uenoyama could do for him now. It was a slow healing process, but Uenoyama was determined to keep him grounded—to keep him _here_ , and _alive._

“I’m… I’m in our room,” Mafuyu answered unsteadily.

“That’s right, you’re home.”

After they graduated high school, they moved into a two-bedroom apartment a few blocks away from the university they attended together. They had started dating in their second year of high school, but it wasn’t until they moved into their apartment that Uenoyama discovered that Mafuyu was plagued with recurring nightmares and frequent insomnia. It pained him to know that even when Mafuyu could sleep, it was often never peaceful. Nights like these were a normal occurrence, and they long settled into this routine that served to anchor Mafuyu.

“You’re going to be fine. Deep breaths.”

“I’m sorry this keeps happening.”

Mafuyu’s voice was steadier now and his breathing was coming a little more even, but the tension in his body had yet to dissipate, still sealing off most of the airflow in Uenoyama’s chest. It wasn’t the time or place to complain, though. This was what he could do for Mafuyu and this is what he _will_ do for Mafuyu. Not a single thing on Earth could ever keep him from protecting his boyfriend. Even if he were six feet under, he’d dig himself out from the grave just to hold Mafuyu like this once more.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Mafuyu exhaled all his breath in one go, as if he had been holding it in and eased his hold on Uenoyama. When he held Mafuyu in his lap like this, he seemed so miniscule—a whole universe full of awe and wonder compacted into such a small figure. 

“What did you dream about?”

Uenoyama asked this question fully understanding what kind of answer he would receive. It was like taking daggers to the heart, listening to Mafuyu detail the emotions he harbored for someone no more than a ghost now. He hated the jealousy that bubbled in his chest but he would never admit it. How disgusting of a man would he be to unload such feelings on his boyfriend, knowing how much of a toll this grief really took on him?

“It was Yuuki… he was… was there again. Just standing there, looking at me without saying anything.”

He shuddered, a telltale sign that tears were imminent. And when they began to fall, Uenoyama played damage control. He fetched tissues, wiped the tears from Mafuyu’s eyes, and continued to talk him through the nightmare.

“He—he was...”

“It’s okay, take your time.”

Mafuyu couldn’t find the words to say, instead crying himself back to sleep. At this point, Uenoyama was wide awake and opted to watch over Mafuyu while he slept. 

This was the culmination of their romance. Chained to each other in the haven of their bedroom. Uenoyama held Mafuyu close, almost close enough to hear the blood rushing in his veins. Their limbs weren’t tangled like they were taking some leisurely afternoon nap. They simply laid together, bodies molded into one with the indentations of their mattress as proof. Here, it was the two of them, closed in by four white walls. Not warm, not cold—just _here._ Mafuyu was here. Uenoyama was here. There love was here. There existed no person who could perforate this bubble of theirs. 

When morning came, Uenoyama left Mafuyu to sleep as long as possible. It was normal for Uenoyama to eat breakfast alone on days like these, and sometimes, he’d even eat lunch alone. It was the days when Uenoyama had to wake Mafuyu up around dinner just to get him to eat that he knew when things were getting particularly rough for his boyfriend. Patience was a learned attribute, but it came easy for him when it came to Mafuyu. 

He cooked for Mafuyu, cleaned their apartment, did their laundry, took care of bills and expenses, and acted as the lighthouse during Mafuyu’s darkest nights. He had become the exact kind of man that his sister had always nagged at him to be— a strong, caring man that would take care of those he loved without giving up-- and he did it all for the man named Sato Mafuyu.


End file.
